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By Elisa Ingoldby 04 Oct, 2022
Is my reaction to grief "normal"????
By Elisa Ingoldby 17 Feb, 2022
Everyone responds differently, but these are some common traits with grief
By Henri Nouwen 21 Jun, 2021
Death is what life is all about, a slow discovery of the mortality of all that is created so that we can appreciate its beauty without clinging to it as if it were a lasting possession. Our lives can indeed be seen as a process of becoming familiar with death.....when we see life constantly in the context of death, we can enjoy it for what it is: a free gift. The pictures, letters, and books of the past reveal life to us as a constant saying of farewell to beautiful places, good people, and wonderful experience...... All these times have pass by like friendly visitors, leaving us with dear memories but also with the sad recognition of the shortness of life. In every arrival there is a leave-taking; in in each one's growing up there is a growing old; in every smile there is a tear; and in every success there is a loss.
By Elisa Ingoldby 03 Mar, 2021
The only positive advantage about death is that none of us know when it will happen. Death is an uncomfortable topic to discuss in our American culture and is one of those topics that is not on everyone’s mind, except possibly a funeral director. We think of death in all sorts of terms. How will people want to be remembered, how to plan the funeral, and mostly we think about honoring that person’s life by giving them their last wish; honoring what they want done according to their last will and testament. It is not so easy for us however when a person does not make plans before they pass or has that important conversation with family. Maybe even writing it down and feel comfortable knowing all will be well when you pass. (There are actual journals on the market called, “I’m dead, now what?”) If you do not do this simple act, whomever is left to take care of your remains and pick up the pieces after you have left this life, could have a grueling time. If the decedent did not put last wishes in writing and a family cannot agree, of course that causes more grief, heartache and chaos. So, let’s use a common example about cremation that not everyone knows about. If you leave behind no spouse, but five children, all the children must sign the cremation orders. If the siblings disagree on cremation and several children want burial, with no agreement, the case can appear in court and face a judicial verdict. Until a decision is agreed upon, by law, the funeral home can retain your remains until that decision. It may not be the decision you like, but the court will have a final say. It is a lengthy, expensive and probably the most arduous task a grieving person would go through. And to be brutally honest, after a week in the refrigerator your body starts to deteriorate so to stay in a refrigerator longer can be really nasty! Imagine what happens to your body after a month or two......... This comes as a reminder to all of us that we are not mind readers, nor psychic or want to interpret your last wishes through someone else’s presentation of what you wanted…..”but Dad wanted this.” Saying that to a funeral director has no legitimacy. Funeral homes are governed by the Federal Trade Commission and have rules, regulations and laws to abide by. We need it in writing! There are forms that anyone can download (or pick up at a local funeral home) from their appropriate state regarding “Disposition of Last Remains,” whether it be burial, cremation, what kind of funeral, etc. This form is a guiding tool for funeral directors to move through the process when you pass. You will be covered if someone has this form in your family and can present it to the funeral home staff. As a last word, I just want to say it comes down to respect of others, acceptance and the ability to work through grief together. The best thing you could do for yourself and your family, is take the time to discuss what your final wishes will be when you can no longer speak for yourself. I am sure the last thing you want to leave as a legacy is your family fighting over your remains and what to do with you while you are hopefully walking in the light. ~~EI
By Carlos Tesitor 20 Jan, 2021
THE SHADOW OF SILENCE By Carlos Tesitor Death is my constant friend, it follows me with patience and stealth. It gives me a tap on the shoulder, as if to give me a little reminder that there will be a place, a moment or a time that won't allow me to evade our friendship in the end. Death is the shadow of silence, as if I could run away, as if I would even try. It follows me like the shadow of the afternoon sun, it follows me so I won't forget how close it is, or what can happen when the shadows become night.
By Elisa Ingoldby 06 Jan, 2021
As I write this blog on the last day of the year, I am wondering like everyone else, is the end of what we have experienced in 2020 really the end? I have heard so many comments from people who are extremely excited about this year coming to an end because it has been a difficult year for all. However, I have a feeling that the end of what we have seen is not over. Yes, it is wonderful that we have a vaccine available for COVID-19, but my thoughts continue to linger with “what if’s?” I wish the future could be clear and we knew what to expect. We all want that crystal ball to tell us all will be okay, right? A family member and I were visiting, and she made a particularly good point about how we are to cope with what has happened to our world this last year because of the pandemic. Are we going to get angry or are we going to get holy? That question has made me think, so I decided to share my thoughts and hope you too will question how you are coping. There is so many blessing to look at instead of the negative thing, however, small things have bothered me. Like the fact that I can’t travel like I used too, to see family and friends who live in hot spots, in cities who are seeing higher numbers of cases and deaths. I am angry because my holidays were without the ones I love, and most of the family had to stay isolated because of their age and location. There was nothing I could do, so I accepted the quiet holiday with my immediate family and celebrating the birth of our Lord, enjoying a lovely church service, with masks and isolation. Lastly, as I wrote in my last blog about the death of a funeral, I am still angry at the loss of families not being able to celebrate the final goodbye’s and choosing to put services and life celebrations off “until COVID-19 restrictions are lifted.” Is that really the end? Will it be gone? When will they get to celebrate the life of their loved one? Despite all of this, in the end, I have chosen to be holy because God will call us all home, no matter what the reason, time or cause of our death. Like so many, I hope and pray that the new year will be better, joy will abound, and we can once again be surrounded by those we love and enjoy the small pleasures in life like meeting a friend for coffee, going for a weekend drive to the hot springs, share playtime with children in a park or any one of the many activities we have had to “put off” while we wait for the end. Let’s not “put off” life anymore and continue to rely on our faith and hope to make 2021 a better year! ~~EI
By Elisa Ingoldby 05 Jan, 2021
The Death of a Funeral......Weird title, but a serious subject. Our community may not realize, but the trend of having a funeral is losing interest. Especially since COVID-19, it has become more apparent, that people no longer may be interested in traditional services. My point of this publication is to bring to light how society has lost the art of being allowed to grieve in a traditional way and the importance of that final good-bye. When people think of a funeral they think of expense. The cost of the funeral director, the casket, flowers, memorial cards, and more. It is true, just an obituary can cost hundreds of dollars. Is that expense worth it and why do we need to have it? I will answer with an astounding yes! According to a recent 2020 survey conducted by the National Funeral Directors Association, 46.5 % agree of a funeral service’s importance. It is significant, but funerals, death and dying is a topic most people do not want to talk about. If you were to ask people about a wedding, birthday, or graduation celebration, they would be thrilled to tell you all about it! A funeral is no different. It is part of life! No one should be afraid of it or to talk about it. Maybe people who do not believe in life after death are fearful, but there are many components to why we must discuss it and why not to be uncomfortable with the topic. Foremost, our funeral is the last obligation to ourselves and our family. If people have a positive outlook about their death, then it is easy to plan for that final arrangement. It should be a time to celebrate a person’s life and not leave that burden to the grieving family or friends. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. People who are refusing to have services, whether burial or cremation, are missing a vital link, as COVID-19 has taught us. We need time to reflect, celebrate, remember, and respect that life lived. I am not saying people who do not have services are not respecting the dead, I am simply saying when we miss out on the funeral, we miss all those components. To pay our respects to the family, support them and be there in their time of grief. Cremations are on the rise with around 60% of us choosing that over traditional burials. Expense, location or cause of death, family history and feelings of death all play a role in whether someone is cremated or embalmed and buried. Lower costs and limited burial space will cause an increased rise in cremation over the next 20 years. That being said, “funerals” are still meaningful, whether we are looking at a casket or an urn when we have gathered together to say good-bye. Whatever you think of death, I encourage you to not be afraid of discussing it with your family and have your final wishes arranged, planned, and respected. It is the only way to go out of this world, so your funeral does not die with you. ~~ EI
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